PHP has not been properly configured with the MySQL extension so that it can communicate with MySQL. Please check your php.ini file or recompile PHP.
This is where I am completely lost. Seriously, stupidly lost. This is the first time I have done anything this in depth concerning programming, etc, so if I seem stupid, please consider it so and start from there. Maybe this will be the good laugh you needed for the day.
Now, once you finish laughing, this is what I have done so far. I have done the phpinfo.php, carefully cutting and pasting and so on. I have MySQL 5.0.6 installed, and am currently running IIS. I did reset the memory it asks for, but it tells me that it is not good enough. I cannot find the GD request in the php.ini. I hope this is enough info. If any more is needed, let me know.
Patrick