Haha, yeah, that's a good challenge. But not impossible. This is a similar report I made, but you'll need to figure out where the "completion" variable comes from. I haven't had to do that yet.
SELECT CONCAT(u.firstname," ",u.lastname) As "Student Name"
,CONCAT("%%WWWROOT%%/user/profile.php?id=",u.id) AS "Student Profile"
,COUNT(en.id) AS "Number of Courses"
,CONCAT('
List Teachers') AS Teachers
FROM prefix_user as u
JOIN prefix_user_enrolments AS ue ON ue.userid = u.id
JOIN prefix_enrol AS en ON en.id = ue.enrolid
JOIN prefix_course AS c ON c.id = en.courseid
WHERE en.roleid=5 AND ue.status=0 AND c.visible=1 AND c.shortname LIKE "%2022%"
%%FILTER_SEARCHTEXT_username:u.username:~%%
Group BY u.id
ORDER BY u.lastname