Is there a way to hack the names of the main page headings (ie; "site news", "main menu")?
In other words, is there a way to name them something else?
Go to Administration » Configuration » Language » Compare and edit current language and then change the strings to whatever you like.
If you want to avoid having your changes overwritten when you update, create your own language by copying the moodle/lang/en folder to something like moodle/lang/en_me and then edit that new language.